“Ah! Well…good question. I can see how that is a quandary. Well, what do you look for in a mate? Passion? Uh…romance? Uh…understanding? Perhaps you want someone who looks good in any kind of clothing. Such as…um…ah…suit or a…uh…polo shirt…or…ah…hmm…a suit of armor. You know, conquistadors used armored dogs to attack Native Americans. That seems a bit…uh…much. Like, why? Why? Why do you…ah…need to put armor on the dogs? Have you ever tried to even put a sweater on a dog? It’s…it’s a lot of work. You look like a beagle when you smile. That’s ah…a compliment. Beagles have the nicest smiles. What toothpaste do you use? Is it Crest? Do you want to go surfing next July?” - My BFF Jeff Goldblum

I told Jeff that I joined an online dating site over the holidays and I asked him what men look for in a woman.

5 months ago  /  8 notes