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“Ah, well, I understand your question, but I-I-I can’t fully answer it. Being cool is like swimming. Overthink it and-and-and you drown! I’m going to buy a koi pond when I go back to LA. I just feel, well, it’s more of an instinct, you see, I had a notion that it would be nice to celebrate Thanksgiving by feeding fish in my own backyard. Ah-ah-ha! You’re laughing at me. See-I’m not cool. I…uh…do you need me to ride you home on my motorbike?” — My BFF Jeff Goldblum
I asked Jeff how he got so cool. He’s so cool he said this. His motorbike is red and named “Rusty Tequila Wings”. He’s so cool.
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“Ah, well, it gets darker earlier, but you know, it’s like…jazz music. At first you might be worried about where it’s all going, but you get used to it and then you find—or I found—a certain comfort in it. It’s like life. It’s like passion. It’s like love. So, no, I don’t mind it.” - My BFF Jeff Goldblum
I asked Jeff if Daylight Savings Time was a nuisance to him in the winter or not. It’s still a nuisance to me.
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Anonymous asked: Not only do I like your blog (haha I found it) but I also am OBSESSED with you secretly. Ok here we go.. I got this idea from a Tumblr spam I got once lol.. I think you like me too and you were always too shy to admit it :3 go to crushmatches(dõt)com (wtf it wont let me link regular) and make an account there. Then look up the profile 'gottagetme19' (me obviously) I left body pictures.. if you can guess who I am hit me up and we'll hang soon. You need a C C but its free
“Ah ah-ha…this is ah..ah…ah…very tempting offer. It sounds as though your love and admiration for me is true. However, as much as this pains me to say, I can’t reciprocate your-your emotions. I believe love is an experience one has when one meets another in person. We are not in person. You are not a person. You are a—what is the term—a bot? A spam bot? And I wish you well.” — My BFF Jeff Goldblum
I showed Jeff this message and this was his reply.
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“Well…I see…here’s the thing…I don’t er, believe Adam Sandler should have played his own sister in a movie. No… No-no-no. I think that um, if you watch the history of films, that um, well, I think men in drag are stealing valuable roles away from female actresses. Like for instance-you-you could have played that part. Ah, ah-ha, don’t make that face. You would need lots of prosthetic make-up. Rick Baker like stuff. Do you enjoy his work? I enjoy his work. It’s…ah…it’s very transcendent. Oh! Wouldn’t it be interesting if Melissa McCarthy played the Dali Lama in a comedy film about his life? I’m not saying it would be, um, successful, but it would be interesting. Interesting. Clear Pepsi. That was interesting, and yet, ah…not successful. Oh, but back to your question, no, I would not like to see Jack and Jill. I’d prefer it if we watched the trailer for Snow White and the Huntsman again on your iPhone screen.” - My BFF Jeff Goldblum
I asked Jeff if he wanted to see Jack and Jill in the movie theaters. This was his eloquent response.
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Ah…I agree! Politics are…well, the thing about politics is it’s complicated. Life is complicated. It’s…uh…it’s…uh strange. You have to look at the bigger picture. The picture is…it’s like you have to see the other pictures, too. Like in a museum. Do you like the art of Degas? I prefer modern work. There should be more robots in art. More robots and more love. Robots in love. Did you know that you can fall in love with a robot, because you are—you are—you’re human. Humans fall in love! Do robots? Can robots love us back? I don’t know. I just don’t know. What do you think? — My BFF Jeff Goldblum
I told Jeff that I’m very confused about the state of the economy and what should politically be done to fix things right now. I wanted his opinion on the subject. Now I’m also confused about whether or not I’m in love with a robot.
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“Ah…pie! I would like some pie. Pastries are delicious. Pastries…the thing-the thing about pastries is that they can always remind you of warm. Warmth. Home is warm. Pastries are like home. Did your mother cook? Not often. Well, that’s a shame. I’m sure she was-ah-busy. She was probably busy. Bees are supposed to be busy. Do you think they get stressed out? Ha. That’s funny. Can you imagine a bee going to a spa? I can’t. Perhaps they just like their work. I-I-I like to work. Art is important. Water is important, too. Did you know that evian is “naive” backwards? I saw that in a movie once. That..uh..that movie was called Reality Bites. I was not asked to be in that film. It’s (sigh) fine. I don’t know what I would have added to the picture. Do you like kites?” - My BFF Jeff Goldblum
This is what Jeff shared with me after I asked him if we could stop at a diner and get pie. We never ended up getting pie. We went to the park and flew kites instead.
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“Ah, yes, failure! It happens to us all. I wouldn’t worry about. You-ah-you-ah can’t worry about it. I fall down sometimes. Yes, yes. Tripping happens. People trip and fall. People go on bad trips to Costa Rica. They think, ‘Ah! I know. This will…well…it will be good.’ But then, the tragic thing to remember is sometimes it’s bad. But it’s not bad that it’s bad. You see, it’s like life. Do you enjoy board games? I think people should play Parcheesi more. I think it would solve a lot of arguments. So would Tai Chi. I once rode a bicycle and it crashed. Do you know what happened? I crashed. That’s all. Let’s get a frozen yogurt parfait and watch the ducks in Central Park.” - My BFF Jeff Goldblum
I tried something and failed. Jeff told me this to make me feel better. I felt better.
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“Ah…yes…brunch. It is so fantastic to eat, isn’t it? Toast. Yes. Toast is wonderful. It is..ah-ah-ha…just like one’s—might I say?—Daily Bread. Not religious though. There is no God in the kitchen…unless of course, there is a wonderful—a wonderful chef present. Cooking then becomes a work of art. I do so love being an artist. Your fingernails are like art. Ha ha! Don’t be shy. They are lovely. They look—oh are you putting marmalade on your toast? Is that how you like your toast? When one—when one makes a—this is a little fun—when one makes a champagne toast, it should always remind one of a good occasion. There should be lights and music and—do you think Cole Porter was happy? Because I do. I am happy when I listen to Cole Porter’s songs. Da-da-dum…” - My BFF Jeff Goldblum
Jeff and I sometimes have brunch together. This is what he told me the last time we had brunch. If we go to brunch, Jeff usually pays.
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Ah…have you seen the begonias? They’re growing because everything grows. Let’s go on a walk. And we..yes. We want to walk. We want to be around the flowers. I don’t tend the flowers. I, uh, I should. I like the flowers. Ah…ah ha…do you smell the life in the air? It’s growing. Are you growing out your hair? It looks lovely—just lovely. Like-like a bird. Oh! Here’s a thought, flight. Flight. Think of that word. Do you think it’s freeing or does it make you nervous because of the airports? Ah-ah ha! Security doesn’t make us feel secure. Fascinating point I just made to myself. Do you smell French bread cooking?” - My BFF Jeff Goldblum
I visited Jeff at his home in LA last Tuesday on a whim and he was excited about the begonias in his garden. I am growing out my hair. I thanked Jeff for noticing.
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“Ah…so you see that the ah-ah-water represents an event…well, I believe…oh dear, I don’t remember my script. But anyways..you…you could, if you decided to, try to steal my—no not mine—my character’s—I played a character—I was a character—I am an actor who has character and who plays characters—you could use my character’s seduction technique. But ah-ha! Here’s the interesting twist. You can’t use it on characters, but you have to use it on real men. But real men should have character. Do you think Midnight in Paris was a good film? I wish I was in it. No-no-no. Stop. I don’t need your pity. I got to go scuba diving that summer instead. Don’t you think that coral reefs are friendly? You should marry the man of your dreams. If—and I hope this doesn’t happen for you—if-if-if you don’t find love, just go scuba diving. I mean, come on! It’s obvious!” - My BFF Jeff Goldblum
Jeff said this to me after I told him I wanted to learn how to flirt like Ian Malcolm in Jurassic Park. I have been lonely lately, but I don’t want to tell Jeff that. He would get worried about me. Jeff is a good friend.
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“Ah…ah-ha! See! See what I did! You saw it! What you’re thinking is—and I’m sorry, I don’t ah…I-I-I, ah, don’t presume to tell you what you are thinking. But I am going to suggest that what you might be thinking is, ‘Jeff, Jeffrey, my friend, that wasn’t really magic. That was sleight of hand.’ And you would be right! It was ah…it was a skill called legerdemain. It’s French. The French make incredible wine, don’t you think? But that’s not the point—though—it could be the point! Because the point is this. The point, if you will forgive my ridiculous logic, but the-the-ah-the point is that those skills come from inside of us. The magic is inside of us. So you see. You see now. Do you want to see the rope knot trick again now?” - My BFF Jeff Goldblum
This is what Jeff said to me after I told him I didn’t believe in magic anymore. He did a rope trick. Now I believe in magic again.
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“Ah..ah…ah..I-I-I saw you looking around for me and I thought, ‘She is wearing a nice dress tonight,’ and it’s like…ah…ah…yes…you looked like a woman in the 1940s who was ah…looking…yes…you were looking for me, but you could have also been—here is a thought—just a thought—looking for your husband to return from war. But no-no-you’re not my wife. This is not the 1940’s. That would be preposterous. We are not existing right now in a time machine. We are at a party together. Where’s the foie gras at this party?” - My BFF Jeff Goldblum
This was also when Jeff and I went to a Clothing Launch Party and it was crowded. I looked at a see-through top and when I turned around, he was gone. It was crowded. However, Jeff is tall, so it is easy for him to spot me in crowds. He found me.
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“Ah..ah..ah-ha! You found me.” - My BFF Jeff Goldblum
This was when Jeff and I went to a Clothing Launch Party and it was crowded. I looked at a cashmere sweater and when I turned around, he was gone. It was crowded. However, Jeff is tall, so he is easy to spot in crowds. I found him.
